You’ll blame yourself again

Its been 2 weeks since you last spoke. It’s taking it’s toll on me already. You told me to stop criying, yeah I did. Now tears just form in my eyes like no ones business.

Everywhere I go, even if I do something ridiculous which I know you don’t like, you stay with me close to my heart. Even when I’m sleeping, you’re never be far away.

I’m really really afraid of losing you, I’ve regard you as someone soo special that it’s mentally become part of me & that if I’ll lose you, I’ll eventually breakdown to pieces.

I can’t imagine life without you. I’d rather continue waiting rather than losing you, it’ll be way too much to bear.

Baby I don’t want you blaming yourself, the last time you ignored me you blamed yourself for being soo cruel towards me. Soo baby please stop doing this to me, i dont want you to blame yourself again.

God gave me another gift, it’s that my memory it’s too good for me. Sometimes I hate it, cause I’ll remember the good and bad memories soo vividly that sometimes is soo beautiful and sometimes soo painful as well.

Baby you remembered April 11?, the only time we went out on a date together. We spent most of the time poking each other instead of watching the movie. Gosh, I wish there were more of that.

The ring I bought you has my name engraved on it. The one I have has your name engraved on it, so does my heart.

I made my choice, I don’t want to look back. I made a promise to you that I’ll keep waiting until you accept my love, I want to keep it. Baby I only asked for your love, nothing else. If I’m still not good enough for you, then I I’m sorry.

Gift

Loving you was a gift from god. It was a mistake, but love is blind and maybe only god knows why we were brought closer by fate. Fate is something that I still don’t believe in.

You tried b4 to get rid of me my ignoring me, you’ll hope that I’ll just lose my patience with you and give up.

You said you felt horrible by trying to get rid of me in the most cruel way and that you felt sorry. You promise you won’t ignore me anymore, but you broke your promise.

Baby it’s been 290 days since I said ‘i love you for the first time to you. But still you ain’t convinced that I love you.
You always ask for a reason why I loved you, I fail to answer you all the time. Cause love need not to have a reason.

Yes loving you was a mistake, but it was a mistake I was willing to make to win your heart. If I still ain’t good enough for you, then I’m really really sorry, I’ve done all I could. I’ve push myself to the edge I could, yet I still fail miserabely.

Perhaps the most difficult choices to make are the ones that deny us what our heart wants the most, because as it’s been said, without reason and without prudence, the heart wants what the heart wants, and more often than not, it will not be denied.

I still love you, eventhough I know you don’t love me, I still do. I carry you around and keep you close to my heart everyday, cause I don’t want to lose you. I wanna keep you close forever.

18th

Happy birthday baby

By right, I’m suppose to spend this special day with you, but I didn’t & I couldn’t. Instead I chose to do something which you called ridiculous. I miss those days where just anything you wrote, even the most silly thing, would make me smile.

I miss the angel I once knew when i first met her. The oh so innocent looking girl when I first saw her who wouldn’t harm a cat.

You’re 18 already, it’s time you learn how to make your own decisions. You can’t be indecisive anymore. I won’t be here forever to guide you along. Whichever path of life you choose, you’ll have my blessing.

I shall find the courage to ask you again tonight. Eventhough i know your answer would most probably be no, I still wanna try.

Life has no limits, love has no boundaries. But my heart has limits, my patience is seemingly good, I have no idea why.

It’s been a week since I last spoke to you, it’ll most likely continue. I don’t want you saying that I’m trying to force you again, it was never my intention to.

I made you a promise long long ago, i soo badly want to keep it. If I kept my promise you’ll ignore me, my friends wouldn’t talk to me. If I broke my promise, you’ll talk to me, my friends won’t ignore me either.

I never liked it when you ignore me, but I’ve accepted it over time. Cause that’s the way you are. I love you as a person not for what you do or say. You love someone not because their perfect but because their imperfect, cause that’s the way they are, and you love them,

Baby I’m sorry. Maybe if i had done more to win your heart than none of this would happen, maybe I’m just not good enough for you, sorry.

If what I wrote here was without emotion and the feelings weren’t deep, then it would all be lies. The previous time you didn’t spoke to me was for 3 weeks; that was long ago, it was a miracle that I survived that. But this time, maybe I’ll just let myself crumble slowly.

If god permits, I’ll continue waiting. It might never work out at all, but you’re a mistake I’m more than willing to make. You turn 18 on Wednesday, I might not be there to wish you happy birthday, I hope I’ll be there.